Clem's Captains Call: Round 5


<p>It’s raining, it’s pouring, my Captains aren’t scoring…</p>



<p>So, let’s rip the band aid off and expose that we are indeed the connoisseur of Dubious Captaincy Choices. </p>



<p>We basically got a 0/10 last week for the Captains because we did not have the foresight to pop it on such ton-getters as the Cleary-less <strong>Dylan Edwards</strong> and Moses-less<strong> Clint Gutherson</strong>. </p>



<p>Oh, and we also forgot to add in anyone vs the Titans.</p>



<p>Instead, our Captain of the round, Sir <strong>Tommy T</strong>, became a victim of the cruel, <em>cruel</em> WIN Stadium curse instead of defeating the Dragon, and whilst <strong>Roger Tuivasa-Sheck</strong> has a stunning tackle bust on him, that unfortunately only gets you so far when chasing Captaincy points.</p>



<p>But let us move on from that blip in the Captaincy road, and talk about things I did today instead, which included such delightful moments as locking myself out of my house this morning and having to walk, in the pouring rain, down the hill through Manly to get a spare set of keys dressed only in jandals and tiny short shorts. I am drenched. </p>



<a id='O6bF6ZkYTetJsBXqDxowqQ' class='gie-single' href='http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/2124385309' target='_blank' style='color:#a7a7a7;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal !important;border:none;display:inline-block;' rel="noopener">Embed from Getty Images</a><script>window.gie=window.gie||function(c){(gie.q=gie.q||[]).push(c)};gie(function(){gie.widgets.load({id:'O6bF6ZkYTetJsBXqDxowqQ',sig:'bV2TT4v4EQhgSWMbUINPgGAhtNJmPvAykxJqGb-xSzU=',w:'594px',h:'396px',items:'2124385309',caption: false ,tld:'com',is360: false })});</script><script src='//embed-cdn.gettyimages.com/widgets.js' charset='utf-8' async></script>



<p>But for those wondering, I can confirm, it is most definitely raining.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Just call me a hands-on weather girl.</p>



<p>So, what is one to do when the rain is torrential and it’s forecast to be more torrential and not one coach has had the foresight to quickly recruit three-time Pan Pacific medallist, <strong>Luke Bateman</strong>, into the team for the swimming this weekend?</p>



<p>Why, the answer is easy. </p>



<p>You must Captain the player who LOVES the rain. </p>



<p>The one who physics has proven<em> increases</em> in points by at least 100 when the glorious locks are gloriously wet. </p>



<p>The one who scored 94 spite points last week to silence all those who traded him out…the one and only Nicho Hyn&#8230; </p>



<p>Oh. No. Wait. In some cruel twist of weather god fate, he’s on a bye because this is the 2024 season and nothing, I repeat nothing, is easy. </p>



<p>Now, before we get into Captains, let us quickly talk about my own ongoing SuperCoach hoodoo voodoo curse that Timmy Williams, the great Overlord, has put on me.&nbsp;</p>



<p>It is still not broken. Because for the 86<sup>th</sup> time in a row, he has beat me in our H2H in the SC Playbook League.</p>



<p>Therefore, we can conclude that I am not who I say I am. Instead, I am:</p>



<ul>
<li>Any team vs the Storm in Round One and Tim is Craig Bellamy</li>



<li>Manly and Tim is WIN Stadium</li>



<li>Spy and Tim is me</li>
</ul>



<p>We live in a simulation.&nbsp;</p>



<p>I will never break the curse. </p>



<p>So instead let’s try and find some Captains this week – and let us start with a Vice Captain who is in some stunning form at the moment.</p>



<a id='nM4dOpI1QzVQ3CqfkSLNIg' class='gie-single' href='http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/1394712565' target='_blank' style='color:#a7a7a7;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal !important;border:none;display:inline-block;' rel="noopener">Embed from Getty Images</a><script>window.gie=window.gie||function(c){(gie.q=gie.q||[]).push(c)};gie(function(){gie.widgets.load({id:'nM4dOpI1QzVQ3CqfkSLNIg',sig:'Z8vSKWnjuPL4spxzMHPcOUsQ8Ox4ebHVrk-5vUqq30g=',w:'594px',h:'396px',items:'1394712565',caption: false ,tld:'com',is360: false })});</script><script src='//embed-cdn.gettyimages.com/widgets.js' charset='utf-8' async></script>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Our Lord and Saviour Ryan ‘the Glorious Mullet’ Papenhuyzen</strong></h3>



<p>Okay, but how glorious is it that our hero is back and how glorious is it we can put him back in these articles? </p>



<p>It warms the heart. </p>



<p>Remember when Mariah serenaded him with a special version of &#8216;Hero&#8217; at the community hall a few years ago? </p>



<p>Sweet memories. It brings a joyful tear to the eye.</p>



<p>That was the day he scored 197 points vs the very team he is playing at AAMI Park tonight. </p>



<p>And I was sitting in the crowd right in front of the sticks as he scored try after try after try right in front of me. </p>



<p>197 points. Glorious mullet flying. And he was my Captain. Beautiful, stunning times.</p>



<p>And even though Brissie are about 1000 times better than they were way back then in Round 4 2021, Lil Papi is in some form. </p>



<p>An 80-point average, a ton already, scoring tries, looking good, mullet on point.</p>



<p>If I had Lil’ Papi in my team I’d 1000% Vice Captain him. Especially as Hughes and Munster and co are all back together.</p>



<p><strong>Verdict: If you own Lil’ Papi how can you deny that glorious mullet the Vice Captaincy?</strong></p>



<a id='HTLNMK5hTltQxFB1YadMdw' class='gie-single' href='http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/2119167552' target='_blank' style='color:#a7a7a7;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal !important;border:none;display:inline-block;' rel="noopener">Embed from Getty Images</a><script>window.gie=window.gie||function(c){(gie.q=gie.q||[]).push(c)};gie(function(){gie.widgets.load({id:'HTLNMK5hTltQxFB1YadMdw',sig:'QaE5OPcFrT1R8XBaKL9pzbrs17rmTwoKEuzwqedl4Ms=',w:'594px',h:'396px',items:'2119167552',caption: false ,tld:'com',is360: false })});</script><script src='//embed-cdn.gettyimages.com/widgets.js' charset='utf-8' async></script>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Teddy vs the Bulldogs&nbsp;</strong></h3>



<p>Here’s a risky Vice Captain who would normally be shoo-in for the spot, but it’s literally going to be torrential if my weather-girling is to be trusted.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Playing the Bulldogs on Friday night, you’d think the Roosters will be looking to step up after last round’s fall from grace where they looked anything but graceful vs the Panthers.</p>



<p>And if we look past last week’s game, Teddy is in some form. Two tons against Manly and the Rabbitohs, and a 3-round average of 95. His last three scores vs the Bulldogs – 118, 94, and ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE.&nbsp;</p>



<p><strong>Verdict &#8211; I’d like to think that the crispy bacon hasn’t gone cold and he’s a shoe-in for the Vice Captaincy this week. If you like risks, you can also chuck it on Dom Young or Joey M just for fun.</strong></p>



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Kalyn Ponga vs the Dragons in Newcastle</strong></h3>



<p>I did not have a Kalyn Ponga ton vs the Warriors on my bingo card last Sunday. Which is why he was not in this article. </p>



<p>I watched the game with Spy at his local RSL, and I’m fairly certain he didn’t have a Kalyn Ponga ton on his bingo card either. </p>



<p>Neither of us won the bingo that day. </p>



<p>And sadly, as an aside, we didn’t win the meat tray the weekend before either.</p>



<p>I’m just grateful I held him, because he was the second-highest scorer of Round 4, managing 117 points including a try assist, 2 line breaks, and 3 line break assists – in what was surely an &#8216;up yours&#8217; to all his traders. </p>



<p>Spite points. We love them.</p>



<p>So at home against the Dragons (who won’t have the helping hand of the WIN Stadium curse this weekend), I’d like to think he can do it again.&nbsp;</p>



<p><strong>Verdict: Captain Ponga.</strong></p>



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Hammer Time vs the Tigers </strong></h3>



<p>Well, in the great ‘bring in Hammer vs bring in Dom Young’ debate, guess which way I chose to go…</p>



<p>Hint: I scored a 987.&nbsp;</p>



<p>But for those who brought in, or already owned, the great Hammer, you were rewarded with 112 points. Including a try, 2 assists, 2 line-breaks, 2 line-break assists… all the glorious points.</p>



<p>He just looks so GOOD! He’s so essential to the Dolphin’s attack, he’s so sparky, and look, I have to say it:</p>



<p>It’s Hammer time!&nbsp;</p>



<p>Which, with an average of 95, let’s be honest, it has been for the last 4 weeks.&nbsp;</p>



<p><strong>Verdict: You can most certainly Captain Hammer. I will be bringing him in. </strong></p>



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Anyone vs the Titans in Townsville but especially Val and Scotty D</strong></h3>



<p>Let’s just call a spade a wooden spoon.</p>



<p>The Titans were abysmal against the Dolphins last weekend.&nbsp;</p>



<p>And while the Cowboys were nothing to write home about in their first defeat of the 2024 season with their 17 errors in the Queensland derby thrashing; they will be playing at home this Sunday arvo against the team that was just thrashed by the Dolphins in their own Queensland derby.</p>



<p>I think you can safely call a Cowboy a Captain.</p>



<p>Even if it does rain.</p>



<p>Here are just two options:</p>



<p>Scotty D, who made about a thousand errors last Friday night but still managed to top-score with 77 points. </p>



<p>A 73 average and a sweet ton the week before vs the Dragons, and I’m calling it that Scotty D is going to be the one we all want in our team come next week. </p>



<p>And Val Holmes may have only scored 59 points against the Brisbane defence, but with an average of 91 so far this season, and a couple of tons to his name already.</p>



<p>I think if you have Val just whack the captaincy on him and be done with it.</p>



<p><strong>Verdict – The Titans have woeful defence, the Cowboys have an excellent attack – Captain a Cowboy, It’s basic physics.</strong></p>



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Your Rogue</strong></h3>



<p>The Rogue Captain this week is the weather. Or actually, if some coach reads this and does quickly recruit Luke Bateman into their team – Captain him. His butterfly is exceptional.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Or, it’s not really a rogue Captain, but <strong>RTS</strong> is playing his 200<sup>th</sup> game on Saturday vs the Bunnies. And I’d like to think he’ll get about 50 tackle busts in that game to celebrate, so that’s about 100 points right there. It’s just simple math. Up the Wahs!</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Verdict</strong></h3>



<p>Do a sun dance, which is the rain dance moves in reverse.</p>



<p>Failing that working, I’m taking a risk on <strong>Dom Young</strong> into <strong>Kalyn Ponga</strong> which I’ll probs change last minute depending on my trades which I’m desperately trying to work out before 8pm. </p>



<p>I may bring in Lil’ Papi. Or Val. Or Hammer… </p>



<p>I am a glasshouse of indecision.</p>



<p>And as always, I hope your weekend is as stunningly beautiful as Jakey T’s most glorious thumb.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Clementine xx</p>


Clem’s Captains Call: Round 5

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