Clem’s NRL Supercoach Captains: Round 24

Friends. They’re not here.



I’ve searched all of Sydney – from the darkest corner of Northies to the very depths of Kings Cross. Scoured the toilet cubicles at the Hotel Delaney in Newcastle…



And finally in desperation I left Manly last night to drive up to the Goldie to see if they’re lost deep in the clutches of the Glitter Strip and I can potentially convince them to come back for the last 3 rounds and play out the season for me.&nbsp;



It’s been NINE WEEKS since they went missing. 



NINE WEEKS since the Friday Beers decided that fateful Round 14 Friday night, to live up to there name, gap the sheds and start Mad Monday 13 weeks early!



It’s early Thursday morning and I’m currently sitting at the beach in Crescent Head, and I don’t know why I thought they might be here in amongst the wholesomeness of the sunshine and the gentle rolling waves and the seagulls and the cafe serving the worlds best fruit toast and the caravan park full of families escaping on a mid-winter break, but they’re not…so I must shortly continue my quest up the coast to the Gold Coast – because SURELY Cavill Ave has them now&#8230;&nbsp;



Because my team – it’s not it this year. 



We peaked before the bye rounds and now we’re just tumbling down the rankings faster than I can sink sorrowful whiskey shots and Mariah can break our hearts with a heartbreaking We Belong Together. 



But on the bright side! The sun is out here and as someone who was once a formerly tanned QLDer sporting a year-round golden glow, but who is now a subtle shade of snowman since moving to the freezing and quite frankly Antarctic wintery depths of NSW – I am absolutely writing this in my bikini on the notes app on my phone and making the most of it. 



So actually, my team can indulge in a few more hours of freedom deep in the darkest depths of Surfers…



Enjoy lads!



Plus I’m feeling quite zenned out on all the music because I indulged in a 5 hour car karaoke session on the way up here that ranged from Pennywise and NOFX, to Fat Freddie’s Drop, Six60, Ocean Alley, Chase and Status, Snoop, Kings of Leon, RUFUS, some Dancing on my Tongue Playlist I found on Spotify, Mariah (of course), Rage Against the Machine, LANY, Nirvana and everything in between…



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Now for the Captains – and it was all Tommy T vs KP last week and of course it was a close call with KP coming out on top (but still delightful if you Captained either).



I watched that game on delay with Spy after coming back from watching him play STARTING HALFBACK for the Forestville Ferrets – and after scouting what the great man can do on the field live and in person &#8211; I can confirm there’s a chance I’ll be Captaining the Spy this week for an easy 150 points…



He should get 50 points for vocals alone…Mic. Him. Up! That content is Patty Carrigan level!



In other news, there’s at least 13 people in line to win the great Spy x Clementine League Bundy Mixer Prize of 100 tubs of unused V05 Wet Look Gel, a signed copy of my autobiography “Cheap Hookers and Bye Round Benders”, and that piece de resistance – the cherry on top of all cherries:



The exclusive Win a Date with Spy (insert love heart eyes emoji, drool emoji, melting emoji, eggplant emoji etc etc here).



Now, I asked Max Bryden what he thinks a date with Spy would involve, and the man truly lived up to the rich romance of his vocal chords that caressed our ears on this week’s poddy…



“I reckon Spy would be a sneaky good date. 



I’d say he’d love to do something to show off his athletic prowess first up, like putt putt or bowling. 



Then he’d like to either go to a footy match or pub with you to watch something on TV. 



He would prioritise live music afterwards for a sing and a dance and a ceremonial schooner pour over his head.”



I also asked the man himself:



“Beers in Manly.” SC Spy – August 2024



So on that note, let’s move on to the Captains who are of course the Roosters and also Tommy T but let us first find out what Max thinks:



<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size">Maxy&#8217;s Road Trip Songs and Other Such Voice Memos</h3>



First, in the spirit of road trips &#8211; his top 3 road trip songs:



• Living on a Prayer: Brings the people together and strong carpool Karaoke



• RUFUS &#8211; Innerbloom – everyone can just shut up and go on a ride in their own minds (and honestly THIS)



• NOFX – The Decline. Just family tradition really. IYKYK (he is my spirit animal)



And clearly Max is not just a beautiful voice because that is a truly considered and stunning roadtrip playlist if ever I saw one. 



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Now for his Captains:



• Teddy: He’s been particularly brutal against bottom 8 sides so he’s a no brainer this week.



• Turbo: Three tons in his last four games and the motivated Manly side looking for a mauling in front of their home side.



• If you’re looking outside those two then good luck cuz they are freaking scary, but realistically anyone in a Roosters’ outfit could be special this weekend.&nbsp;



And so clearly, Max and I are on the wavelength this week, because my Captains are:



<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size">Nathan Cleary</h3>



Clutch etc etc



Groundhog Day etc etc….



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size">Captain a Chook</h3>



The Eels have showed some spirit the last couple of games, but the Chooks, in form, fresh off a bye at home…well it answers the age-old question that learned philosophers have debated for centuries…



They are the Captains this week. 



Who would win in a fight between and eel and a rooster…



And quite clearly, the year AD2024 tells us that a rooster would, in fact, pulverise an Eel.



Vintage Teddy



He’s just basically the Captain, and should be in everyone’s teams. 



An 87 point average, 7 tons this year, playing the Eels who have given up 86 points to fullbacks in the last month and who he scored a 98 against back in Round 15. Captain. That is all.



Dom Young



He was broken but now he’s back. 



So this is a risky Captain but boy has it got some upside if he runs riot and scores one of them 150+ers like he’s done twice this year. 



Of course, there’s a risk of a -15, so tread carefully with this high/risk play.



Joey M



As seen on this week’s poddy, the man has spoken and banned Timmy from owning him, thus the curse is reversed and we can all bring Joey M in and Sir Captain him! 



And all the villagers rejoiced! And they lived happily ever after. 



I am a glasshouse of joyful emotion! 



Joey M averages tons when Timmy W keeps his cursed paws off him.



Terrell May 



The only reason he is here is because “look what I just done” on the back of ton-up ambush vs the Cowboys will live rent free in my head forever.



Sammy W



He literally grew a beard. That seems to be the secret. 



He is now a try assist ton up King. 



To the point where he just casually try assists his own tries and then takes the two as well &#8211; basically just to give the finger to anyone who doesn’t own him and dares to think they might get a piece of the points created by him. 



We all regret not bringing the Great Bearded One in.



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size">Or Take a Punt on Tommy T</h3>



A word of warning.



I don’t want him to ton up because obvs I want the Warriors to win and SJ to play out his last games on a wave of victories, but you may take a punt on Tommy T if you feel my crystals and manifesting aren’t working the best this year (you’d be right &#8211; they’re totally broken…)



A 5-round average of 101, three tons in his last 4 games, playing at home, the hill vibes will be high and Tommy T will ton up. 



My crystals have spoken.



And of course, let us finish with the one who had a bye from this article last week:



<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size">Spy’s Road Trip Songs and Other Such Voice Memos</h3>



• Tony Hawk Soundtrack (can confirm he convinced me to listen to every single album on one of my long-haul roadies from Goldie to Sydney before I moved so I could give him an indepth thesis of all 15 of them at the end…)



• Blink, Sum 41, Greenday, Offspring mix, Country tunes, Hilltop Hoods sesh.



A solid car karaoke session if ever I saw one…



And of course, his 50 Captaincy voice notes which I have attempted to edit down for the word count:



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VC Cleary



Unless you’re trying to be really conservative you probably don’t want to straight C him this week. 



Whilst he’s an option, it’s certainly a week you could potentially get away with it. 



In all honesty, he probably tons against the Storm but just might not be a 150/160.



Which Chook will it be? 



You could have a crack at Angus Crichton though I prefer the outside backs. 



Teddy is a stand-out option this week, if they can do a job on Paramatta who love to concede points to fullbacks he looks the goods. 



Dom Young if passed fit could be one for those who are struggling in their H2Hs or chasing points, he has the potential to score 3 to 5 tries this week. 



Joseph Manu’s another one but more confident on the other guys. 



I just want to see how he goes coming back from injury and with his new partnership with Victor Radley on the edge. 



Sammy Walker I think he could be in for a monster night, but we all know he’s got a 30 in him. One for the risk takers but he’s got some serious upside.



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Ponga’s one for the bold plays if you’re not sure who you want to skipper, or want to see how you’re your H2H plays out over the weekend. 



Obviously a tougher defence this week, so hard to know what will happen there, but that’s more in the risky basket but he’s capable!



I forgot to mention Tommy T who will get rinsed by SJ’s kicking game on Friday. 



But no, in all honesty, Tommy’s a pretty good shout – it’s going to be a scary watch up on the hill for the Spy. 



If you need a real rogue one – maybe Garrick if you’re in the depths of despair and looking for something to pull you out of the hole or go down trying.



Wouldn’t Captain the Spy on Sunday for Forestville. 



Likely to be probably coming off the bench, so just that minutes risk makes it all too hard, but otherwise he looks like a good play if named to start in 24 hour mail or late mail team lists…



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size">Verdict</h3>



Put Smashing Pumpkins, 1979 on next time you’re on a long distance roady on the open road…you’ll instantly become the main character in your own music video clip. You’re welcome.



Also, VC Cleary. Captain A Chook. Teddy.



Failing that, chuck the armband on Tommy T for a possible fourth ton in 5 weeks or take a risk on KP. 



And on that note, I’m off to go chase waterfalls and car karaoke some more &#8211; I’ll eventually get to the Goldie and find my team…hopefully in time for tonight’s game…



I hope you win all your H2Hs and soar up the rankings this week…



Clementine xxx

Clem’s NRL Supercoach Captains: Round 24

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