Clem's Captains Call: Round 9


<p>F = m x a = 90kg x glorious wet locks m/s2 = (check rain radar or sub/VO5) 60 x 4ta + 60 + 113 + 24 = 220 points…</p>



<p>Which is maths and also physi…</p>



<p>…oh! </p>



<p>Hello friends! I was just testing out some mathematically scientific physics equations for us to try and determine who we should Captain this week.</p>



<p><strong>And the answer is Prince Nicho in the torrential Sydney rain vs the Dragons.</strong></p>



<p>His glorious hair will be wet. Very, very wet. And simple hair physics tells us that’s an extra 60 SuperCoach points right there.</p>



<p>And the universe has thrown us a bone by taking away the difficult decision faced by SuperCoachers this round which was going to be do you VC Cleary vs the Bunnies tonight or Captain Nicho…</p>



<p>Because now Cleary is out, and we have our universe-gifted answer.</p>



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<p>So last Sunday, I was watching the Sharks vs Raiders game at the Steyne, beer in hand. </p>



<p>And as if my Sunday arvo couldn’t get any better, along comes my sweat-haired Captain and knocks out a try, 2 try assists, a line break, 2 line break assists AND a 40/20…</p>



<p>ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY POINTS.</p>



<p>What a stunning time to be alive. I will hopefully be reliving that glorious feeling again this Sunday.</p>



<p>Because coming off two tons in a row, the last three games Nicho played against the Dragons he went 156, 180, 124. </p>



<p>And the Roosters put 60 points on the Dragons last week. </p>



<p>Anyone and everyone who owns Nicho, should most definitely give him the Captaincy armband this Sunday, or prepare to watch the game through their fingers behind the couch with a bottle of whiskey, a support group, and Mariah’s ‘We Belong Together’ at the ready…</p>



<p>It is, quite simply, the law of averages.</p>



<p>And on that note, let us move on to the Vice Captains:</p>



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Are we sleeping on Dylan?</strong></h3>



<p>Allow me to have a rational thought here – Why have held Tommy T for 10,000 weeks telling myself “this will be the week he tons” when the tons are happening right in front of my eyes already. In the form of one, Dylan Edwards.</p>



<p>*Immediately after I had this rational breakthrough and proudly announced it to the group chat, I spilt my long black through the ‘strategically casually chic hole’ in my Levis in front of a room of around 100 people at a seminar at UTS, which was clearly the universe telling me to return to normal-Clementine-hopes-and-dreams-programming please, and was also possibly a trade sign from the universe, with Max Bryden putting it best with:</p>



<p>“Levi’s &gt; hole in them &gt; coffee &gt;&gt; failure &gt;&gt; brailure?!? Brailey?!!!!!”</p>



<p>Which is exactly the trade I am doing this week. Thank you Max Sir!</p>



<p>Now Cleary is out. And Dylan Edwards likes to score a point or two when Cleary is missing. </p>



<p>But, even if he wasn’t out, Dylan Edwards has been enjoying racking up those tons and is now ranked the NUMBER ONE FULLBACK for points in 2024 SuperCoach. </p>



<p>He’s also coming in 4<sup>th</sup> for points scored overall out of all players – where every single one of those three players beating him having enjoyed 8 games to his 7. </p>



<p>A 3-round average of 101. Only owned by 10% of teams. If you have Dylan vs the Bunnies tonight, who have given up 85 points to fullbacks, I beg you – PLEASE, please Vice Captain him!</p>



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Can Tommy T Ton Up?</strong></h3>



<p>Friday night tosses us up a potential Vice Captain, who can also be a Captain for the braver and riskier amongst us. </p>



<p>But I am not that risky, and to me Tommy is a Vice Captain until he actually delivers on these potential tons. </p>



<p>Because Tommy T is averaging 76, but only scored 55 vs the Eels last week WITH a try and we cannot have our Sir Captains scoring 55 when Prince Nicho is out there decimating non-owners and scoring more points than Wilt Chamberlain vs the New York Knicks in 1962 (100 points – a glorious, untouchable record).</p>



<p>Plus, it’s raining in Sydney. Like legit pouring. </p>



<p>Just not right this second as I sit in the middle of the city looking at a patch of blue sky.</p>



<p>But despite my track-record of dubious weather-girling, I believe I am qualified to have this opinion because I have been soaked so many times in the past few days because of my lack internal rain radar, lack of umbrella and lack of Sydney-appropriate wet weather gear, I’m basically a walking wet t.shirt competition.</p>



<p>On the flip-side, SURELY Tommy is due his ton soon – like, maybe even in this game?</p>



<p>I mean, he DID score 165 vs the Raiders in Round 12 last year, and those Raiders, they have started giving up some serious points.  </p>



<p>This game also tosses us up a couple of poddy rogues, one of who is Garrick coming off a 145, in what was an elaborate display of delicious junk time try scoring prowess when Sivo decided he’d scored his three tries and would very much like a bit of an early shower and rest break thank you sir.</p>



<p>And the other? Well, we cannot forgo DCE. If you own him, take a risky punt of a Vice Captaincy on him. </p>



<p>The fact that he is playing is your sign – the SuperCoach gods have given you a gift and it is your most solemn duty to take advantage.</p>



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Rock, Paper, Scissors</strong></h3>



<p>Okay, so I was watching the Storm game with Spy last week and I posed to him a pretty logical theory.</p>



<p>Which is that, before the game, the Storm playmakers get together for a classic and fun game of rock, paper, scissors to determine who will be scoring all the delicious points that game.</p>



<p>And the key to owning a Storm player successfully in SuperCoach and playing them in the game when they ton up, is to try and forecast who will win next time.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Now, Munster with his 148 points last week including a try and 4 try assists, clearly won Round 8 Rock, Paper, Scissors.&nbsp;</p>



<p>And Lil’ Papi’s comeback in the second half of that game, was obviously due to the manifestation I put out in the universe for all Papenhuyzen owners, including Spy who I felt sorry for (damn my soft heart), that they would do a rematch in the sheds at half-time and Lil’ Papi would win – which <em>clearly</em> worked hence his second half comeback.</p>



<p>So now we must determine who will be the winner on Saturday in the Goldie when the Storm take on the team who finally got a win last week. Against my Warriors. And I will never call a spade a spoon again.</p>



<p>Who to Vice Captain in this game?</p>



<p>Munster coming off his enormous score?</p>



<p>Lil Papi, with his glorious mullet flying as he scored two tries last week to finish on a 92 that made Spy happy with his free loop, until Prince Nicho decimated his heart with a casual flick of his equally glorious wet locks? </p>



<p>Or maybe Hughes with a 95 last week and an average of 82?</p>



<p>And I’m punting on Lil Papi against the Titans who have leaked 90 points to fullbacks to reign supreme at Round 9 Rock, Paper, Scissors at Cbus on Saturday.</p>



<p>(I’m also likely trading in Hughes though…do with that what you will because I will be manifesting he wins the half-time rematch if I do…).</p>



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Captain a Cowboy</strong></h3>



<p>And if you’re not Captaining Nicho, because you’re feeling a bit frisky and you feel like you might like to go against the grain with a bit of a poddy move that could either send you soaring up the rankings or crying into your beer come 6pm Sunday evening – you should look no further to what will be one of the only dry games of the round, with a Queensland Derby up in Townsville Saturday night, which will serve us up a few Captaincy considerations.</p>



<p>With a season average of 82, Val Holmes is proving match-up proof. He managed a 76 last week vs the Panthers including a try, and last time he played the Dolphins back in Round 1, he scored 108 points. </p>



<p>And if that’s not enough for you, he is ranked number 1 for points out of every single player in SuperCoach for the season so far, and if you have a Val-size hole in your team, I would be scared. Very scared.</p>



<p>Your other choice of course, is the one that can leave owners dehydrated for points or can just as easily leave non-owners thirsty and realize they need to Drinkwater. </p>



<p>Scotty D, may have only scored a 39 last week vs the Panthers, but with a season average of 76 and two tons in him already – can you really sleep on at least a Vice Captaincy on Scotty D if you’re an owner?</p>



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<h3 class="wp-block-heading has-medium-font-size"><strong>Verdict</strong></h3>



<p>It’s the wet-haired Prince for me! No gel or rain-dance needed. It’s simple mathematical physics.&nbsp;</p>



<p>I’m still not sure on my VC, but I’m willing to put it on Tommy T, just in case this is THE ton-up week…but if I had had the foresight to bring in Dylan Edwards a few weeks ago – well that would be the VC for me.</p>



<p>Here’s to a wet and rainy weekend full of footy, fun, and potentially watching the Sharks game behind the couch if you don’t own Nicho…</p>



<p>And on that note,</p>



<p>Jakey T in space is as stunningly beautiful as his glorious thumb.</p>



<p>Clementine&nbsp;</p>



<p>xxx</p>


Clem’s Captains Call: Round 9

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